Chapter Twenty-Seven of his book titled, "Living Life in Love"
(Published here with permission by the original author)
If you are here on the planet to become more loving and to evolve spiritually, how does sexuality fit into your picture?
In most spiritual traditions, sex has long been held as an obstacle to Enlightenment. It has been seen as something to overcome, to transcend, or to go beyond. Vows of celibacy have often been praised as seekers try to conquer the "burdens" and "illusions" of earthly desires.
The underlying and usually unquestioned assumption is that sexual denial eventually leads to Enlightenment.
But isn't Enlightenment the realization that all the Universe is contained within the infinite depths of your Heart? And doesn't all the Universe include your sexuality and your lust?
Are you supposed to somehow cast out an integral part of your own humanity in order to become a fully-realized person?
Celibacy may occur in a natural, organic way as you embrace all aspects of your sexuality and go through to the other side. But to try to force it upon yourself is destructive. It may be a by-product of your evolution, but it is not the goal.
When sex is nonflammable
Sexuality can be a vehicle into spirituality rather than an obstacle to it. One way to express your desire to be reunited with God is by merging with another person through sharing your sexuality.
The more deeply you feel the longing to return Home, the more deeply you may want to free your sexual nature. And that very expression, when realized as such, adds fuel to the most significant fire there is: the burning up of the human ego and the subsequent dissolving of the illusion of separation.
The gift of your sexuality is that it is a profound modality for the ecstatic affirmation of human Love.
Why not include sex and God in the same breath? Why would you ever want to see them as opposing forces rather than as partners?
Sex and God
Sexual expression can be frightening. It is a movement from everyday limited levels of consciousness into an expansion of your energetic aliveness. Two activities that challenge the ego structure down to its very core are meditation and sexual/emotional expression.
Both require letting go of the negative mind's usual control over you. The mind/ego has power over you whenever you make negative thoughts real by focusing on them. In meditation and in sex, in order to become the master of your mind, you must escape from its traps that keep you absorbed at the level of thought.
You achieve ultimate freedom if you can access a place
inside yourself that lives only in the present tense, not trying to go
anywhere or to accomplish anything. In this receptive state, Love happens. Fulfillment happens. Happiness happens. Union happens.
Therefore, it tells you that sex is wrong, or a waste of time, or an addiction, or not spiritual enough. Or it starts a fight with your lover when the possibility for a new level of sexual intimacy is available.
Listening to your mind's negativity has you miss the bliss that you could be experiencing if you were to truly let go into the formless. Dive in underneath the superficial motivations of your sexual desires to the deepest stirrings within your Soul.
Approach lovemaking with an attitude of reverence and awe because untainted sex is the sharing of divine nectar. With the safety created by this underlying context, all avenues of pure sexual expression open to mutual exploration.
The Lovers' Dance
What, then, is "spiritual sex"? Take a moment to envision your ideal of two people engaged in "spiritual sex." Do you picture candles and incense burning?
Do the lovers bow to each other, kiss one another's feet, and then sit in the yab-yum position (cross-legged, one on the lap of the other)?
Do they see the whole Universe in each other's eyes? Do they gently breathe together, barely moving? Have they transcended the trappings of hot, animal lust?
Are they beyond the need
for genital orgasms?
Just notice what your beliefs are. Then, see if the following questions challenge those ideas.
Spiritual sex arises out of both partners' desire for union through uninhibited self expression. What if you are here on earth not to transcend your human-ness, but to revere yourself exactly as you are right now?
You are a fascinating combination of a heavenly angel/god/goddess and an earthly animal/beast. As you let go into the formless with the intention to become one with your lover, what can emerge is a dance back and forth between your god/goddess and your animal urges.
As your animal nature releases into an uninhibited expression of lust, perhaps the absolutely perfect spiritual union becomes available to you in that moment. Then, in another moment, when you are softly touching and looking into one another's eyes, you have included your human, animal lust rather than trying to bypass it.
As you surrender to your lover's feet in devotion, you can worship each other's divinity and each other's humanness. In fact, as you let out your lust, you create the foundation upon which to build your temple.
Are lust and Love enemies waging war against one another or friends complementing each other? When sexual energy begins to flow, you can be overpowered by your genitals if you let them sweep you into actions that you regret later.
You need not do anything about your sexual arousal unless your Heart is in agreement with your genitals.
Enjoy the burst of
Sexuality can be a doorway into bliss instead of a stumbling block to be overcome. Embracing both soft, cool sex, and hot, lusty sex creates more colors with which to paint a richer self-portrait. "Spiritual sex" includes the entire spectrum from Life's rainbow, such as:
More magic happens if you allow yourself to be seen as an archetype. You can be the most beautiful or handsome person in the history of humankind, or the sexiest, lustiest human on the planet, or a Greek God or Goddess, or more in Love than any couple has ever been.
you surrender into the unknown, new possibilities arise from the innocence
of your creativity. The reward for your risks is a surprise that delights
you and relights your Love.
For instance, you may turn yourself on with phrases like "I love you!" or "This is really hot!" or "This feels great!" or "Jesus!" With an enticing mental image, "Shazam!" - an orgasm is triggered. As you further explore the dance of sexuality, you may be blessed with orgasms that arise from a place beyond thoughts. There, you touch the source of all Life.
While releasing into orgasm, you can perform "white magic" by visualizing ways you would like Life to be.
You can picture anything, such as being deeply in Love forever; or money
flowing abundantly in your life; or the healing of a friend or relative;
or finding relief for the hungry or homeless; or the whole world living
What are the actual experiences that are available out of diving into intimacy? They are boundless and infinite. Donna and I feel more in Love than any other couple in the history of humankind; and we want every other couple to have this same feeling. We are head over heels in Love with each other about 99% of the time (or is it "heels over head in Love"?).
After ten years of intimate sexuality, we feel like we are at the very beginning of exploring infinite realms of relating. We have psychic experiences which indicate that we are attuned to one another in the natural way that all of us are meant to be.
We are often moved to tears of gratitude for being in each other's lives and touching each other's Soul. We know that at least one other person on this planet accepts us completely, loves every deep, dark corner of us, and lets us feel absolutely safe.
We sometimes see each other as all men or all women, so that we can fall in Love with all human beings through each other.
Through our respect for each other, we feel a
sense of reverence and awe for all human beings as gods and goddesses. We
have the opportunity to worship another god/goddess disguised as a human
being from a place of true surrender and devotion.
With Love, there is nothing to free yourself from. There is no place to try to get to nor anything to accomplish. Love includes and embraces the entire Universe.
Nothing is an obstacle to overcome because you have already arrived.
© 2003 Peter Rengel. All Rights Reserved.
© 2003-2006 Philip Steven Knight/CompassionSensuality.Net